As a 25-year-old adult, I am associated with a lot of people my age or younger. This gives me a chance to get a closer look at how my generation is moving along in life. In some aspects, we are going a fairly decent job. There is one aspect in which I think we are failing miserably at in and that’s relationships/love. We could do much better as people if we take a look at some of the things we’re doing wrong and put forth the effort to make a lasting change. From here I’d like to point out some of the reasons we are doing such a terrible job at being lovers and maintaining healthy relationships.
HAVING CHILDREN – Being so young, it’s not such a great idea to have kids of your own. You are still learning how to be an adult yourself. To make matters even worse, most of these kids are growing up without one of their parents in the picture. Young kids today are so quick to give up on their partners or to screw their relationship up in some way. I have so many friends and people I know who have cheated on their pregnant girlfriends or girls who are pregnant who leave their partners in search of something “better”. These people are not taking their future or their children’s future serious enough. They are being selfish when it comes to the fact that a child needs both parents in their lives. Being separated from your partner will eventually take its toll on your child at some point in their lives. I’m old school and I truly want to wait to have kids until I’m married. I know that’s a hard thing to do but the fact that I’m actually trying to do it makes a difference. This generation needs to be more careful before and after they have kids. If you do find yourself with a child on the way, do whatever you can to keep your relationship healthy, not only for yourselves but for your child.
UNHEALTHY LIFESTYLES – Many young people are moving at high speeds in life. Drinking, drugs, and partying. Being involved in these things will eventually cost you a relationship or two. It’s very hard want to marry someone who is constantly out doing drugs and partying. I know people who don’t even do drugs or party but they surround themselves with people who do. This also isn’t something that’s going to help your relationship, it will only hurt. If your partner doesn’t drink, or party as much as you, they will eventually either join you or get tired of seeing you leave them for such activities. It’s best to remain single if you know you like to surround yourself with drugs and alcohol.
BAD TIMING – Timing is an important aspect of any relationship but it is commonly overlooked. Rushing into a relationship is done far to often by people my age. Some of us can’t stand to be lonely so we are on a constant search for a partner. Most of time we rush things and we’re not even close to being ready to handle a serious partnership. If you know you don’t have time to be with someone then why would you waste their time? We have to be patient when looking for someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Love is a process and not something you can force by jumping into bed with someone. Rushing into a relationship doesn’t give you enough time to even get to know that person. You may overlook some things that you won’t like in the future, things that could destroy your kinship.
GOALS – No one knows how our futures will pan out. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t worry about it, but you should. Being so young, there’s a chance you aren’t at the point in life where you are financially or emotionally ready to settle down. This could mean that you aren’t happy with the position you’re in and you know you have to work twice as hard as anyone to reach those goals. This is not the time for you to focus on anything else other than work and putting yourself in position to be able to take care of a family. There are people out there who will stuck by your side no matter how bad you’re doing or how unsure of the future you are. Most people want to feel secure about their financial futures before they think about marriage or children. It’s best you have goals and are ready to have to work harder because your family will need you to do so. Being a 20 something adult, you may not even have a full-time job or any plans to reach your goals. At this point, you have to figure those things out before you drag someone else into the situation. Get yourself settled before you settle down with that special someone.
It’s hard to find a good relationship these days. It’s also damn near impossible to be in a relationship and maintain your sanity. Everyone is just so complicated, it makes it hard to find common ground with people. I have been through 2 serious relationships in my life. During those relationships, I never felt like myself. I found myself being someone my partner wanted me to be. It’s important to let your partner be themselves.
Being attracted to someone isn’t a reason to start a relationship. Having things in common and having an understanding about what both parties need is a better reason. Before you give yourself away to that special someone, think about what you’re going to need from that person in order for you to feel like you want that friendship or partnering to continue. Is what you’re asking fair to that person, are you giving them a chance to be themselves? Or are you demanding they make changes so their lifestyle can accommodate your lifestyle as well? Be fair.
I fear a long-term relationship. When I find myself falling for a girl, I normally back out before things get serious because I knew the stress that comes along with a relationship. You have to be mentally prepared to give every bit of your emotions to one person. It’s much easier for you to worry about yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid to be with someone. It should be more common, that way less hearts will be put in the line of fire.
I truly feel like I am ready to be in a relationship but that doesn’t mean I need to be involved with anyone at the time. It’s important to me to find someone who feels the same as I do. Someone who see’s the situation as a realist and not someone who just wants to feel loved. I’m 25 years old and I know what I want from someone. The problem is that the someone might not know what they want from me or for themselves. Some people are fine with finding out what they want as their relationship gets stronger. I find it more beneficial to already know what it is you both want.
It’s unhealthy to rush things in any relationship. Our younger generation has made a habit of moving along too quickly. Younger people never seem to grasp reality of being in a long-term relationship, they’re normally happy with living in the moment. Not knowing what to expect in the future is the fastest way to be caught off guard by sudden changes in your relationship. Communicating is always important but it’s especially essential in the early stages of a relationship. Let it be known what you expect, what you do not like, what it is you like, and how you feel even before you officially start dating someone. Be patient, think, and prepare yourself for the war of love.
I started my first “long-term” relationship when I was 18. Honestly, it was a really good feeling. That feeling is what I described as love, a quick mistake. Being young and it being my first real relationship, I was eager to be in love and so was my girlfriend at the time. We both jumped in head first. We didn’t stop to question whether we were both ready to actually be 100% dedicated to each other both mentally and physically.
Time eventually made that decision for us. Eventually, things started to fall apart. I was hurt, but in the end. I just figured that it wasn’t true love. I learned valuable lessons from that relationships and it carried into my next relationship. The problem was that the next relationship felt the same as the last. Two young adults, craving love, not thinking about the future, living in the moment. Again, our relationship fell victim to time and misunderstanding.
Today, I’m single and in love. That may sound strange but it is true. I realized that the love I searched for all along was inside me the whole time. I dug deep to find it. It was a long process but I eventually knew that if I was gonna find true love, I had to know what it was to love without a relationship. Understanding love isn’t an easy task. You shouldn’t depend on anyone else’s love, only your own. You have to understand how important love is and feel that love enough to give it to another. The hardest part is finding someone who understand love just as much as you. Some have to be guided, don’t be afraid to lead a lost soul into the light.
Now that I realize that loving myself was the start, I know that my next relationship would have a better end. I can’t be 100% that this means I will fall in love and have a perfect union with the woman of my dreams. What I can be sure of is that I’m ready to appreciate a bond between two people more than I ever have. I feel in control of my emotions and my actions. Unlike before, I understand what it takes to keep someone happy and it starts with keeping yourself happy. There’s love inside of all of us, there’s no need to wonder if you’ll ever fall in love because that love lies deep within you. What’s more important than being in love is knowing how to love, knowing the importance and the power of the love within. Find the love inside of you and see where it takes you.