Lusting For Love

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I’ve personally been through some very rocky relationships in my past – most with women who were sure they loved me but actually did not know the first thing about love. Me, I believe I have an idea of what love is, but most importantly – I do know when I love someone wholeheartedly or if I’m just putting on a show. Sadly for me, I have also had my run with women who have put on shows. Honestly, I have never not wanted to be in a relationship with the person I chose to take the leap with. Far too many times do I see women who just want to be in love and not actually caring who it is they’re in love with. That’s what I call lusting for love. Those are some of the toughest relationships to deal with because those type of people are hard to crack and will do anything to keep their lust for love fed. It is a dangerous game once a partner sees that their lover is just with them because they fear being lonely, instead of naturally feeling like they belong with you.

Last night was a prime example of how a person can be very misleading with love. I will not go into details but a female whom a very good friend was dating showed her boyfriend that she was with him for all the wrong reasons. Once he caught wind of who she truly was, she did everything in her power to keep things going – to keep herself happy and in love, regardless of how hurt my friend was about the situation. Girls who just want to be with someone for the ride aren’t easy to break as I said before. You have to notice the little things they do to crack their code. These type people are usually party going, materialistic type of people whom have a hard time staying in one place too long. Watch out for these people on your journey to the promise land of love, because you won’t see them coming. Be aware.

Circle of Life

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Trapped in a prison of illusions;

Intertwined in a life with no solutions,

At every turn there’s a question with no answer;

For every smile there’s a more threatening cancer,

The rubble we walked upon is the road of life;

A freeway of pain, broken dreams and spite,

What we see is what we get;

and what we know is all there is,

Life forms in circles, giving us one way to live.

Weathering The Storm

weather

The wind spoke to me and said I should go

I followed, I walked, until I ran into snow

The rain would tell me to continue my journey

Then the thunder clapped, but lightning had warned me

This a place where you will need some protection

A little light in the night, and darkness for reflection

Run, run and never look back

Life is too grand to fall in a trap

The rain was pouring but I knew that could change

Still, I keep on running, with success on my brain

All of the weather had just finally started to clear

When the sun starts to shine, then happiness is near

Heavy

Somewhere, there’s a sense of security that I can’t find.

I’m walking away from the pain and into the shade,

away from the white and into the grey.

There was once peace, but that’s all gone.

All that’s left a piece but it has no form.

Someday, I swear I’ll find some comfort, away from the black cloud above my head.

For now, I will duck and I will dodge, away from the hurt.

Buried in sorrow as heavy as dirt

 

The Happiness Within

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There was once a man who loved everything about everyone. He couldn’t find any bad in any single person. Even when he was disrespected, he smiled in return. When he was hated, he continued to love. This man didn’t know what it meant to hate anyone and no one understood him. His friends would constantly tell him how it’s not wise to trust and love everyone, for they could end up hurting you badly. The man didn’t care; as long as he felt it was the right thing to do, he would keep on doing it.

Time passed and the world around him began to worsen. People were committing crimes left and right, kids stopped listening to their parents and people had no more than a few friends. Still, to him nothing had changed. Everything was just as positive as it’s always been. He walked around proud with his head held high. Everyone would give him the evil eye – jealous that he could smile through such depression.

Eventually, the world got even worse and there wasn’t any joy around. The man still found a way to smile, a way to stay happy through the rough times. Eventually people started to notice how happy he was and wondered what it was that keeps hims smiling. Random people would try to ruin his day, throwing coffee on him, stepping on his shoes and spitting at his feet. Still, the man continued to smile.

What everyone wondered had happened to be the most simple thing to figure out. As long as he was content within, than nothing can bring him down. He saw only what he wanted and felt only what he wanted to feel, no matter what the world around him became. Staying strong and positive will keep you smiling through the worst of times. The average person couldn’t find enough happiness within themselves, and even if they did, they’d still not see that same happiness in the face of others.

The man knew he had to see the good in everything, no matter how grim it could become. If he was going to stand out above the crowd, he had to smile, walk proud and not judge anyone for anything. Now, everyone is lost and this man is as happy as he has ever been. The truth is, the worst the world had gotten, he found a way to keep the bad from touching his soul. Things that others only knew how to fight with anger – he only knew how to fight those same things with happiness.What may be a cliché to many is the truth for another. True happiness is within – paint the world with it no matter how ugly it gets.

Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.” – Brian L. Weiss

 

The Endless Search For Love

endLove

It’s rough being young and honest these days; especially when you’re looking for a partner. I just got in from a night out with a friend. We went to a local bar in town with mostly college kids and a mid-20’s crowd. I’m also black – which is always a “thing” for most girls. I prefer women of different races, which makes it even harder for me. The scene at the bar was pretty chill, other than the weird stares from the stuck-up college girls.

I’m not one to generally care too much for looks, but I’m not a bad-looking person so I make sure any girl I talk to is decent looking as well. This obviously makes it even tougher because the prettier they are, the more complicated they are. I’m a simple person who doesn’t want to deal with too much complication. I don’t cheat and I feel like I never will because I’m in complete control of my actions. This should automatically give me a boost over some guys but girls aren’t that good at judging a man’s character. They only care about looks from the start and that’s the wrong way to go. When I look at a girl, I try to dig a little deeper beyond the beauty. I constantly try to imagine what they could be like on the inside because I’ve always been a good judge of character myself.

I tend to try to find older women who have more experience in life. That way I know I’m not dealing with some silly young woman who likes to party a little too much. I’m only 26 and I don’t enjoy partying too much. I like sitting home, writing and relaxing. I don’t often feel the need to be doing something. I want a girl who enjoys the same things that I do. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I want a girl who’s a die-hard sports fan and love to play videogames but that does mean I want someone who’s okay with relaxing most of time or doing things that younger couple don’t usually do. Things like taking walks, going on random trips and finding other non-drinking related hobbies. All of this seems pretty normal for me but it isn’t for most girls my age.

At the moment, I feel like it’s a waste of time to worry about relationships. It’d  be nice to feel love but it just isn’t worth taking a chance. I feel like there isn’t any girl around my age that’s right for me. I’m not a totally good person but I have morals and I live a pretty average lifestyle. I know I’m good enough to be with anyone and no one can tell me otherwise. I just know I’m not being given a fair chance with certain people because of the way they are – it has nothing to do with me. What that says is that they just aren’t for me and I’m better off waiting years before I think of getting back in a serious relationship.  I things to be right finally and I know I’m ready for that. Finding a partner who is as ready is me will be an issue but I know one day I will find that someone. I may be a bit discouraged but I will not give up. I’m not the one missing out, the women who chose these no-good guys over me are the ones missing out. It’ll be fun to look back one day and say “I told you so”. Until that moment, I’ll be keeping my head low and my guard high.