“Stan” (Poetry)

Dear Stan, here I am writing you this letter
We’ve had some good times but we’re no good together
For a long time I thought I couldn’t do any better
You made me forget that sunshine was apart of the weather

Rain, sleet, snow, or hail you were always around
You’d comfort me without a word, even without a sound
For the longest time, the only feeling I knew was down
Me without you was like a king without his crown

I’d soon realize just how damaging you were
All the time we spent together is now just a blur
For now I can see clearly through my eyes
I can see that you were just pain in disguise

Sick and tired, hurt and defeated
My life in ruins, my feelings all depleted
There’s nothing I can hide, everyone can see it
Everyone I loved, from my life they were deleted

For all of that, there’s only you I can thank
I was running on E, now I’m refueling my tank
All I needed was one reason to live
One reason to love, one reason to give

Some call you drugs, but I choose to call you Stan
That’s because for a long time you were the man
Now I’m wiser and I’m taking a stand
I can fit the world in my palm without you in my hand

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$elf Worth

Self worth isn’t weighed by the amount of money you have, nor is it measured by your stability in life. Self worth is a currency solely dependent on ones view of themselves no matter their current or past situation(s). Looking back to a time when I had things to call my own, I believed I was worth much more than I actually was. I measured my worth according to money, friends, women, and fun. Little did I know, the more of those things I obtained, the further I strayed away from happiness. I was a tool, using myself to destroy the things I cherished the most.

As time went by, the side effects of my ignorance would take affect. I felt empty, used up, and worthless to myself. Since I felt that way about my own life, I also felt that everyone around me saw the same thing. I was convinced that my worth was diminished to a point where it could not be repaired. Those feelings would be my shadow for a very long time. Eventually, everything and everyone around me was worth just as much as I was – nothing.

I can remember being out in public, looking at others and wishing I could be in their shoes. My shoes were worn to the sole from all of the running I did during my years of depression, drug abuse, and ungratefulness. Eventually, I lost so much that I had no choice but to stop and re-evaluate everything in my life. It wasn’t until then when I could see myself from the inside out. I saw a broken person, who needed some patching up. So, I got out the glue and the tape and got to work.

Little by little, things started to make sense again. Things around me were still tattered and torn, but I had a strategy. I would line everything up, subtracting the things that were holding me down, and maximizing on the things that gave me a sense of self respect. The missing pieces were always around me, I just refused to reach for them. The love I felt that I was missing was clearly there in the form of a mother who did not give up on her son. The energy I lacked was confined deep beneath the filth layered within my body. The faith I needed was in my heart, which was boarded up from every angle.

I became a maintenance man, working on myself, fixing anything that needed fixing. From there, things slowed down and it became easier to stop and evaluate myself. Mistakes were made often, but I never put that imaginary hammer down. I would slowly start to feel like I was becoming worth more and more with everything I corrected within myself. I could see how blind I actually was now. I was worth much more than I ever gave myself credit for.

I settled for so much because it was all that I knew. I gave up quick and landed in bad spots because I lost the will to strive for better things. The things that were out of reach were now beneath me. The easiest and most valuable assets around me were within arms reach. All it took was the want and the need to surround myself with positive people and things. I felt like I belonged again. If I was denied anything, I would no longer just give in. That denial became motivation. I was motivated to feel worthy of anything this world offered.

I can now look in the mirror and feel like I belong. No longer feeling like an outcast, I walk the streets with my head held high, my heart flowing with positivist, and my mind focused on bettering myself. When people look at me, I can see that they see someone who is worth their time. I am accepted almost everywhere I go, mainly because I accepted the fact that I am worth your time, your company and your love. It is my God given duty to make others feel accepted in this world and anyone who hasn’t should make it their job to do so as well. We aren’t worthy of much when we can’t even see it for ourselves. You are worth more than what the worlds puts out sometimes. You just have to have the faith to know that you can get there as long as you dedicate your life being seen as worthy, not only to others, but to yourself as well. Peace & Love !

Weathering The Storm

weather

The wind spoke to me and said I should go

I followed, I walked, until I ran into snow

The rain would tell me to continue my journey

Then the thunder clapped, but lightning had warned me

This a place where you will need some protection

A little light in the night, and darkness for reflection

Run, run and never look back

Life is too grand to fall in a trap

The rain was pouring but I knew that could change

Still, I keep on running, with success on my brain

All of the weather had just finally started to clear

When the sun starts to shine, then happiness is near

Being Shamefully Positive

It is no secret that we’ve all dealt with some shame in our lives. It’s also no secret that sometimes we let that shame get the best of us. Whether you are aware of it or not, there are ways to grow through that shame – using it as motivation and fuel to accomplish more. Shame is only temporary, and so is pain, but the happy things can last forever. I have personally been through some rough times but I’m getting better at accepting failure. When you can look failure in the eye and tell it that it will not get the best of you, then you’ll start to see life in a different light. Failed relationships, heartache, stress and plenty of other factors can contribute to feeling down about thing. Still, don’t let those things control you. Whatever you lost or missed out on, you can always get it back if you try hard enough. The more time you spend worrying about what is gone, the less time you’ll have to make things better. While you should always take time to reflect and completely grasp what’s happening around you – don’t hold on too long. Find a way to accept things and then let go.

 

 

 

 

Stop Crying Your Heart Out

People stay stuck on things like mice to a trap. Things happen and we somehow allows ourselves to never put it behind us. Everyday, we think about something we regret. We cannot bury these thoughts. Being stuck on the past will hold you back. There’s nowhere to move but forward. Put some things behind you and leave them there. Stop crying your heart out. You will not get that ex-girlfriend back, she is gone. That old life is over, you have responsibilities now, you have kids, you have more important things to worry about. Accept your life for what it is and reach higher than ever. Those things in the past can only live in your mind if you let them. Moving on is harder for some than it is for others. Don’t be scared to move on. Take a deep breath and live. Do not look back in search of answers. The answers are in front of you. The sky’s the limit when you can free your mind of all pity, blame, and negativity. Take a step forward, away from the darkness, into the light.