Lost and Found

 

DCF 1.0

Last night was a bad night. It was one of  those nights where I did a lot of self reflecting. I laid in bed, almost in a coma … thinking of things that could of been, missed opportunities, failures, anything that usually gets me in a bad mood. Normally, it’s no problem for me to sleep through those thoughts and awake to a new day. Last night was different. I felt myself slipping. I couldn’t lay there anymore, I had to get some fresh air. I got dressed, around 3am and started walking with no destination.

My thoughts on my walk were much of the same thoughts I had while laying in bed. The road was silent, everything passing thought was so clear. I figured a walk would help ease a bit of stress, but that wasn’t the case. The more I kept walking, the more lost I had become. I had been walking for about an hour now, mostly in circles. I wanted to stop and take a seat. Thankfully, I was near an old well behind the neighborhood church.

I sat at the well for an extended period of time. I was doomed with the same thoughts and those familiar feelings. I knew it was time for me to go home. As I was leaving … I heard what sounded like a gasp coming from the well. I was startled beyond belief. I slowly walked over as I could hear something, or someone calling from the well. The night was all ready bad enough, the last thing I needed was someones life hanging in my hands. I had no phone, so the most I could do is yell for help. At 3am in the suburbs, that’s something you don’t want to do. I inched closer to the well and I took a look in. I saw nothing.

I convinced myself that maybe I was going crazy, until I heard another cry for help.  I knew I had to do something. I searched around for rope to throw down but no luck. The voice got louder and louder but suddenly, I recognized who was down there. I knew who needed me to save them … it was me. I got out of my bed feeling lost and here I was now trying to save myself. I couldn’t let myself stay down there, I had to be rescued and I had to do it.  I knew if I were my own hero, I wouldn’t feel like I was losing myself any longer. I would be complete once again.

The pressure was building on me quickly. There was no help around. I had basically given up … then … I sat back on the well. As I listened to myself scream for help, I told myself …. “Relax …. just let go … everything will be fine.” There’s no reason to scratch and crawl your way to the top just top fall again. It was up to what was left of me to pull myself back to safety … word by word, thought by thought. As I poured my heart into that well, passing any hope to myself, I knew I was where I was meant to be. I was lost, slipping, now I knew where to find myself and how to save myself. If anyone was going to rescue me … it had to be … me !

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The Light

light

I’m as still as a mannequin, in the darkness. A light breaks through the black. I’m staring at the light. I am surrounded by darkness and have been for a long time. This light is calling. It’s coming closer but I can only wonder. It’s howling silence vibrates my eardrums. I’m as still as a nail but my insides tremble. I can feel my blood going cold. This light has consumed me. The closer it gets, the more free I become. I can think now, so …. what will I do? What will it do? I don’t care … there’s nothing worst than this darkness. If the light breaks me, I will fall with hope. If not, I wonder if things could get even darker? Will that light ever come back?