$elf Worth

Self worth isn’t weighed by the amount of money you have, nor is it measured by your stability in life. Self worth is a currency solely dependent on ones view of themselves no matter their current or past situation(s). Looking back to a time when I had things to call my own, I believed I was worth much more than I actually was. I measured my worth according to money, friends, women, and fun. Little did I know, the more of those things I obtained, the further I strayed away from happiness. I was a tool, using myself to destroy the things I cherished the most.

As time went by, the side effects of my ignorance would take affect. I felt empty, used up, and worthless to myself. Since I felt that way about my own life, I also felt that everyone around me saw the same thing. I was convinced that my worth was diminished to a point where it could not be repaired. Those feelings would be my shadow for a very long time. Eventually, everything and everyone around me was worth just as much as I was – nothing.

I can remember being out in public, looking at others and wishing I could be in their shoes. My shoes were worn to the sole from all of the running I did during my years of depression, drug abuse, and ungratefulness. Eventually, I lost so much that I had no choice but to stop and re-evaluate everything in my life. It wasn’t until then when I could see myself from the inside out. I saw a broken person, who needed some patching up. So, I got out the glue and the tape and got to work.

Little by little, things started to make sense again. Things around me were still tattered and torn, but I had a strategy. I would line everything up, subtracting the things that were holding me down, and maximizing on the things that gave me a sense of self respect. The missing pieces were always around me, I just refused to reach for them. The love I felt that I was missing was clearly there in the form of a mother who did not give up on her son. The energy I lacked was confined deep beneath the filth layered within my body. The faith I needed was in my heart, which was boarded up from every angle.

I became a maintenance man, working on myself, fixing anything that needed fixing. From there, things slowed down and it became easier to stop and evaluate myself. Mistakes were made often, but I never put that imaginary hammer down. I would slowly start to feel like I was becoming worth more and more with everything I corrected within myself. I could see how blind I actually was now. I was worth much more than I ever gave myself credit for.

I settled for so much because it was all that I knew. I gave up quick and landed in bad spots because I lost the will to strive for better things. The things that were out of reach were now beneath me. The easiest and most valuable assets around me were within arms reach. All it took was the want and the need to surround myself with positive people and things. I felt like I belonged again. If I was denied anything, I would no longer just give in. That denial became motivation. I was motivated to feel worthy of anything this world offered.

I can now look in the mirror and feel like I belong. No longer feeling like an outcast, I walk the streets with my head held high, my heart flowing with positivist, and my mind focused on bettering myself. When people look at me, I can see that they see someone who is worth their time. I am accepted almost everywhere I go, mainly because I accepted the fact that I am worth your time, your company and your love. It is my God given duty to make others feel accepted in this world and anyone who hasn’t should make it their job to do so as well. We aren’t worthy of much when we can’t even see it for ourselves. You are worth more than what the worlds puts out sometimes. You just have to have the faith to know that you can get there as long as you dedicate your life being seen as worthy, not only to others, but to yourself as well. Peace & Love !

Brain Cloud

BrainCloud

Am I sane or am I losing my mind?

I’m looking for light or some way to shine

Either you are out of sight or maybe im blind?

I’m taking steps back and still crossing the line

Am I going insane or is it all in my brain?

I’m living in shame and taking in pain

I’m always to blame and things are never the same

Moving on with no regrets because this is just how I came

Dealing With Troubling Situations

good-bad-times-10702272

We all have had our share of bad times. Some of us never get the chance to pick ourselves up before we let ourselves slip too far away. The mind plays a lot of tricks on you when you’re down and out. I just want to talk about some of those bad things we go through and how we could make it easier on ourselves during these times. ¬†Everything won’t apply to everyone but we all know what it feels like to be down, sad, or depressed about some of the things that happen to us in life.

Unemployment

We all know how hard it is to keep and maintain a job.¬†While we may not have total control of who hires us, we do have total control of how to handle these situations. Do not ever let yourself believe that it’s impossible to find a job quick enough to get back on track. That feeling of hopelessness is all in your mind. Believe that you can find work, and it’ll be easier to deal with actually being out of work. We know that happiness won’t pay the bills, but happiness will keep you motivated enough to get yourself back on the right track. Do not go a day without filling out applications and networking with people. Constantly ask your friends about work opportunities. Ask your friends to ask their friends as well. Stay active, and keep your mind from being idle. Do not sit and think about how bad it is being unemployed. Focus on getting a job and staying positive. You’re only going to feel as good as you let yourself feel. Things have to change, nothing is forever, especially not unemployment. Also, since you now have more free time on your hands, be sure to pick up some new, or old hobbies. Working out, playing sports, or writing are great ways to spend your down time and to keep the positive juices flowing. Always feel like you’re taking steps in the right direction. When you feel like you can’t do anything else, do more.

Break-Ups

Keeping a healthy relationship is very hard to do in 2013. People are moving faster than ever. It takes patients to maintain a relationship. Most of the time, couples are moving at high speeds in opposite directions but never have the time to stop and realize it. So, before they know, they’re sitting down having “the talk”. It’s natural to feel very bad about the loss of a partner. The feeling of having someone there for you is an amazing feeling. On the other hand, the feeling of being lonely is sometimes unbearable. We cannot force anyone to to be with us, no matter how much we believe that they’re the one for us. What isn’t meant to be, just won’t be. Pick yourself up and realize that whatever went wrong, is for the better. You will feel the hurt, but don’t let it linger around too long. It’s in everyone of us to re-group and start fresh. It’s not good for you to feel like being lonely or single is a bad thing. Being alone is one of the most underrated feelings in the world. When you’re isolated, you have time to think without interruption or clouded thoughts. You only have to think for yourself, not for a partner. That should make it easier for you to make the right decisions moving forward. Most of us don’t take enough time alone to make the right choices, so we end up back in another bad situation. Don’t be that person. Take your time, embrace that time, and slowly move towards something better. There’s always something better if you take the time to search for it. Also, it’s not always a good thing to be in a relationship. It’s better to establish yourself first, that way it’ll be easier to give that someone your all. Piling stress onto more stress will more than likely create tension between any two individuals. Be patient and you’ll be just fine.

Tragedy

This is one of the more difficult things that life throws at you. These are the things that we don’t see coming and that’s when it hurts the most. There are many forms of tragedy, we see it or hear about it almost everyday. We live in a world full of it. Personally, I think that death is the hardest thing to deal with or be around. If you’ve been reading my blog, or know me, than you know that I lost my father when I was young. I’ve also lost both grandparents, a brother, a few cousins, and multiple close friends. No death is any better or worse than the other, but the death of my father prepared me for things in life I never thought I’d be able to handle. That feeling of being so lost, so young, sticks with you forever. I knew when he passed that I’d never feel so low again, and I honestly have not since then. There may have been some things that were just as hurtful but I had already knew how to deal with those things. What I’m saying is, I learned that death itself is a learning experience that prepares you for anything and everything in life. You have to take your time to grieve, it’s natural. You may never get over some deaths, but you shouldn’t ever fully get over them. The fact is, a little bit of that pain sticks with you forever. You have to find a way to use that pain as motivation. It may take time, but if you have to know that eventually, it will get better. Death won’t always be a painful experience. You’ll eventually understand what death teaches you, especially the death of someone close to you. I feel like the death of my father has kept me alive. There’s a lot of things you wont do when you know there’s someone special with their eyes on you at all times. You want to live life for them and you want to live it right, so one day you both can look down on whoever you left behind.

Cry Me A River

cryingriver

“I’m tired of getting the short end of the stick”, “there’s no opportunities”, “why do I have to do this” ? Well cry me a damn river will you and while you’re at it … hop in ! That may sound harsh, but I’m honestly a very compassionate person … for the most part. The part of me that isn’t is the part of me that’s tired of people whining and complaining about how life is selling them short. Listen, life isn’t selling you short, you’re just short on life. We can’t all be rich, famous, or even successful. I understand we may all want to be but it just doesn’t work like that.

Look, I’ve been down … and I mean at the bottom. Most people couldn’t even walk a mile on some of the roads I’ve been down. Try being homeless, try losing your father to cancer, try being in jail for something you didn’t do and then you’ll understand why it’s a waste of time to let the frustrations of life hold you back from moving on. At one point we were all happy, then we grew up, then we adjusted and kept on with our lives and chased our dreams.

We did not let the bad things overcome us. We used the negative and throw it into the fire of positivity. Don’t get me wrong, I know it gets hard and I know you want to express how you feel, but if you’re not doing anything to help yourself then I, nor anyone else wants to hear it. Come to me for guidance, I’ll be there to help, but I won’t watch you sit there and let things continue to stress you without even attempting to iron out the wrinkles in your life.