Bonding

The DO’s and DON’Ts of A Strong Friendship

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I am a man of few friends. Those people whom I do call friends are more like family. I have done everything I could to keep those people by my side. If people you consider friends are walking out on you, it could be one of two things. It’s either you aren’t being a good friend or it’s them who isn’t doing their part. I’m here to point out a few key do’s and don’t of friendship.

DO Be able to find humor even through dark times. If your friend can depend on you to make him/her smile through hard times that makes you every bit more important to them opposed to the people who bring them down. They will depend on you to feel better about themselves even when it seems impossible.

DON’T Be the friend who doesn’t have time to listen. Always be there to talk. Never should you find yourself avoiding a friend.

DO Be unpredictable. Separate yourself from the predictable people in your friend’s life. Show up out of nowhere, drop by with surprises, and spark random conversations.

DON’T Be a liar. Truth is one of the more important barriers of friendship. You do not want to break that barrier because once you knock it down, you will not be able to build it back up. Even a harmless lie could damage a strong friendship.

DO Be fun. As a friend it is your job to provide entertainment. Be the person to take your friend to parties, bars, and exciting places. Let others bore them to death.

DON’T Be afraid … of anything. You friend wants you to be strong. They want you to be the person they’d have by their sides at war. Try not to show many weaknesses.

DO Care. Never shy away from being the person your friend runs to when they need to talk or blow off some steam. Care as much for them as you do for yourself. Be there at all costs. Show them you want them in your life forever by being able to express how much you care for them.

The Love Within

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I started my first “long-term” relationship when I was 18. Honestly, it was a really good feeling. That feeling is what I described as love, a quick mistake. Being young and it being my first real relationship, I was eager to be in love and so was my girlfriend at the time. We both jumped in head first. We didn’t stop to question whether we were both ready to actually be 100% dedicated to each other both mentally and physically.

Time eventually made that decision for us. Eventually, things started to fall apart. I was hurt, but in the end. I just figured that it wasn’t true love. I learned valuable lessons from that relationships and it carried into my next relationship. The problem was that the next relationship felt the same as the last. Two young adults, craving love, not thinking about the future, living in the moment. Again, our relationship fell victim to time and misunderstanding.

Today, I’m single and in love. That may sound strange but it is true. I realized that the love I searched for all along was inside me the whole time. I dug deep to find it. It was a long process but I eventually knew that if I was gonna find true love, I had to know what it was to love without a relationship. Understanding love isn’t an easy task. You shouldn’t depend on anyone else’s love, only your own. You have to understand how important love is and feel that love enough to give it to another. The hardest part is finding someone who understand love just as much as you. Some have to be guided, don’t be afraid to lead a lost soul into the light.

Now that I realize that loving myself was the start, I know that my next relationship would have a better end. I can’t be 100% that this means I will fall in love and have a perfect union with the woman of my dreams. What I can be sure of is that I’m ready to appreciate a bond between two people more than I ever have. I feel in control of my emotions and my actions. Unlike before, I understand what it takes to keep someone happy and it starts with keeping yourself happy. There’s love inside of all of us, there’s no need to wonder if you’ll ever fall in love because that love lies deep within you. What’s more important than being in love is knowing how to love, knowing the importance and the power of the love within. Find the love inside of you and see where it takes you.

Avoiding Regret

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Some of our lives are full of regrets. Some of us can’t accept the regret. Some of us have been blessed enough not to have regrets. All of us have reason to move on no matter how regret falls into your life. Personally, I don’t have many regrets, and I’ve learned from most of my regretting and turned those negatives into positives. But there’s that one regret that will haunt me forever. Not get the chance to tell my dad the chance that I loved him before he passed has been hard to deal with on a daily basis. It wasn’t a case of him not being there or family issues. It was a result of me being too young to fully understand how important love is in a struggling family.

My dad was an older man, very loving, a hard worker, and my role model. He developed lung cancer when I was in the 6th grade. The strong man I’ve known all my life had been constricted to a bed, and life support. I didn’t understand any of it and how it would affect my future, but I knew I was slowly losing the man the meant everything to me. He lied there, helpless in bed but I knew he was happy. He wasn’t in some hospital full of paycheck seeking doctors and nurses, he was at home, with his family. I spend endless hours in the room his bed was in. I slept there almost every night with him. That day finally came where he had to leave us and I was right by his side. When he passed, I felt like I was dying right along with him. It was painful. I had so many questions for him, so many things to learn, so many memories to make, and all of that was gone.

I never stopped to tell him I loved him, and I can’t seem to get passed that. I tell him everyday now, but does it matter now? I hope so but it sure does not seem like it. My mother and I don’t have the best relationship. She is important to me and I do love her. It seems like history is going to repeat itself one day. My mother isn’t the most sentimental person. Not once has she ever told me she loved me, not once has she told me she was sorry for anything, she just lets things be. I ‘m stubborn myself. I know maybe I should be the one reaching out to her and telling her I love her, but I don’t think it would make a big difference to her so I just let things be also. I don’t want to get to that point it got to with my dad, although he and I had a great relationship. I don’t want to see her or I pass away without those important words being uttered to one another. I can’t let that happen, not again.

More importantly than saying I love you, is it actually feelings like the truth. Things need to be repaired within the family. If I had grown up with my parents still telling me how much they loved me then I wouldn’t be at this point. The fact that I wasn’t lucky enough for that to happen kinda built up resentment towards her. as a parent it’s your job to make sure your kids feel your love. It’s not a child’s job to instill love in the family. I’ve always felt so deprived of so much as far as family and what it should be like. For the most part all of the things I was denied have taught me to accept reality but also show me exactly how not start a family. My mothers lack of affection has made me so strong, loving, and aware of things going on around me. I’m more than prepared to make things different when I have my own family.

If you are a parent, or a child with similar problem, I suggest you work towards a solution before things get out of reach. I don’t know if my own situation is far out of reach now but I know there’s some hope but it lies only within me. My dad loved me, I loved him, my mother loves me, and I love her but it isn’t shown. Actions speak louder than words but what do I have when there are no words and the actions are just as silent? I want to help the next parent or child avoid regretting the same as I do. Even if my situation doesn’t get better, I would feel better knowing I helped someone like me overcome a lifetime of pain and regret with my own personal issues. Don’t let time go by, and don’t let pride stand in the way of a healthy relationship with your family.