Inside Out (Chapter 1)

Lyle Brooks, 31, writer in San Francisco sits at his desk as he does

every night. What he doesn’t know is that tonight will be like no

other. Lyle has always had a passion for writing. Throughout school,

writing was the only thing he was good at. He was the kid who sat

alone at the lunch table with a black eye his father left him for not

taking out the trash. Lyle would fill a report card with bad grades,

except for one class, Writing. Life for Lyle was never was easy. He

never had many friends, any heroes, not anything to ever look forward

to. Lyle had a younger sister, Lilly, the only person he loved. Their

parents were never really there. They left Lyle to guard his younger

sister, home alone, in one of the most dangerous areas in Detroit.

The Brooks were poor, they did drugs, drank alcohol, partied,

runaways themselves they were young adults by the time Lyle was 6.

When Lyle was 15 his younger sister Lilly was struck and killed by a

drunken driver. The case was closed as a hit and run. Since then,

Lyle started to want more out of life, the loss of his sister had more

of a positive affect on his life. At 16 Lyle dropped out of school

and decided to hitchhike is way out to San Francisco to chase his

dream of becoming a writer. His first year on the west coast was

extremely hard. Picture a kid that age digging through the trash, or

running off with old ladies purses, just to find his next meal. He

would often sleep at bus stops. At 17, he found his first job at

Pete‘s Coffee Shop, Lyle stayed in hotels and he wrote, hoping one

day he’d sell some of his writing. At Pete’s he also met his best

friend, Daisy Preston.
Daisy came to Pete’s everyday for lunch. Then, she was a novice

writer who found inspiration at local coffee shops. She’d sit, watch,

and brainstorm. In her mind, everything and everyone had potential to

be a character in her next book. She loved to sit and evaluate people,

wondering if the guy who just bought a double shot espresso will go

home and become a felon hunting vigilante by night, or if the woman

who just got up to go to the bathroom is really going a undercover

cop who’s next big bust is sitting across the shop. Daisy’s favorite

character was none other than Lyle. To her, Lyle was a mystery novel.

One day, he was just there. He never spoke, he never smiled, he never

even made eye contact with Daisy. It took for Daisy to accidentally

spill her blazing hot coffee on her dress one day. It was there where

the two would finally speak. Daisy could see tell that Lyle wasn’t

from San Francisco. She could also see that Lyle had been through some

difficult experiences in life. She herself had to get up the courage

to initiate conversation. Lyle and Daisy spoke everyday since the

Years passed, Lyle and Daisy had grown closer, but just as friends.

While they both had sold books, Daisy was known as one of the best

young writers in the San Francisco area. Lyle made enough money to

find himself a hole in the wall apartment, pay some bills, and feed

himself. Daisy owned a luxurious condo in one of the best areas in

the city. Lyle was never jealous of Daisy and her accomplishments, he

was more confused as to why his work never sold. Lyle blamed his past

for holding him back. His mind was clouded with bad memories, lonely

nights, and broken promises. He describes is life as a horror story,

but to anyone else, it’s a mystery. He figured it’d be much easier to

write about things he related to, but what that really did was make

him think about those horrific things even more. Lyle’s life became

increasingly difficult. As time passed, he and daisy grew apart, Lyle

kept writing but never sold anything. He went back to Pete’s to work,

just to be able to keep a roof over his head. No one knew what was to

come of Lyle, not even himself.
Here we are, Lyle, 31, back at his desk, staring at the screen,

smoking cigarettes, a cup full of straight liquor, and a half full

bottle of pain medication with the printed label scratched off. Lyle

bangs his hang against the keyboard, upset that he can’t get a single

word out. He stares at the screen, thinking about the past, thinking

about his parents, the missed opportunities. He takes a deep breathe

to calm himself. Lyle exits the writing program and brings starts to

watch clips of Conan. An ad pops up for a pill called “Release”. The

pill carries a stimulant that frees the mind of all stress, allowing

the mind to focus at more than three times than average. The drug sounds

like a myth but Lyle is interested. There’s twenty dollars left on

his Green Dot card so he uses it to order a one month supply of this

medication. Lyle’s lays his head back and drifts off. Lyle awakens to

a knock at his door. He stumbles to the door, hungover, smelling like

booze. He opens the door, no one is there, he notices a package at

his feet, he stoops to pick up this unlabeled package, a large leather

box wrapped in a long red velvet ribbon. He checks the package for

any signs of who sent it or where it came from, he finds nothing. He

hears a door slam shut down the hall, Lyle takes a look and sees

nothing. He takes a seat, he looks and sees that his bobble-head is

moving, he slowly reaches and stops the bouncing head. Lyle sits the

package down on his desk. While reaching to untie the ribbon, the

phone rings and Lyle answers.


5 thoughts on “Inside Out (Chapter 1)

  1. Hello, I saw this through Google plus and thought I’d Give feedback. This is chapter 1, but the first sentence doesn’t pull me into the story. Usually the first sentence is quite important? The story of the first few sentences have the potential to be alluring, if rephrased. At the moment, it is a bit clichĂ©. Also, I think this could have been arranged better. Perhaps, don’t give too much detail of his past in chapter 1, but bring it out slowly throughout the story. The good part is how you started in the present, had a flashback type thing, then returned to the main plot within the chapter.

    1. Awesome, thanks so much for the feedback. I understand everything you’re saying. I will be more patient next time. I literally wrote all of that of the top of my head. It took me about 10 minutes maybe to write that. I have to be more patient and take it more serious and I know the results will be better. I don’t read much, so I have to read more to understand how to correctly introduce a story. I get ahead of myself sometimes but I can always work on what needs to be fixed of course. Thanks a lot !

    2. and the reason I gave so much detail into his past in the first chapter is because his past won’t be revisited much if at all later in the story. I thought it’d be best to get it out of the way and then continue the story in present day knowing that everyone was properly introduced to the character and how he got to this point in life. I actually thought I did a pretty good job of that and I’ve gotten more positive feedback than any about that but I’ll rearrange some things to see how it works out.

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