Some of our lives are full of regrets. Some of us can’t accept the regret. Some of us have been blessed enough not to have regrets. All of us have reason to move on no matter how regret falls into your life. Personally, I don’t have many regrets, and I’ve learned from most of my regretting and turned those negatives into positives. But there’s that one regret that will haunt me forever. Not get the chance to tell my dad the chance that I loved him before he passed has been hard to deal with on a daily basis. It wasn’t a case of him not being there or family issues. It was a result of me being too young to fully understand how important love is in a struggling family.

My dad was an older man, very loving, a hard worker, and my role model. He developed lung cancer when I was in the 6th grade. The strong man I’ve known all my life had been constricted to a bed, and life support. I didn’t understand any of it and how it would affect my future, but I knew I was slowly losing the man the meant everything to me. He lied there, helpless in bed but I knew he was happy. He wasn’t in some hospital full of paycheck seeking doctors and nurses, he was at home, with his family. I spend endless hours in the room his bed was in. I slept there almost every night with him. That day finally came where he had to leave us and I was right by his side. When he passed, I felt like I was dying right along with him. It was painful. I had so many questions for him, so many things to learn, so many memories to make, and all of that was gone.

I never stopped to tell him I loved him, and I can’t seem to get passed that. I tell him everyday now, but does it matter now? I hope so but it sure does not seem like it. My mother and I don’t have the best relationship. She is important to me and I do love her. It seems like history is going to repeat itself one day. My mother isn’t the most sentimental person. Not once has she ever told me she loved me, not once has she told me she was sorry for anything, she just lets things be. I ‘m stubborn myself. I know maybe I should be the one reaching out to her and telling her I love her, but I don’t think it would make a big difference to her so I just let things be also. I don’t want to get to that point it got to with my dad, although he and I had a great relationship. I don’t want to see her or I pass away without those important words being uttered to one another. I can’t let that happen, not again.

More importantly than saying I love you, is it actually feelings like the truth. Things need to be repaired within the family. If I had grown up with my parents still telling me how much they loved me then I wouldn’t be at this point. The fact that I wasn’t lucky enough for that to happen kinda built up resentment towards her. as a parent it’s your job to make sure your kids feel your love. It’s not a child’s job to instill love in the family. I’ve always felt so deprived of so much as far as family and what it should be like. For the most part all of the things I was denied have taught me to accept reality but also show me exactly how not start a family. My mothers lack of affection has made me so strong, loving, and aware of things going on around me. I’m more than prepared to make things different when I have my own family.

If you are a parent, or a child with similar problem, I suggest you work towards a solution before things get out of reach. I don’t know if my own situation is far out of reach now but I know there’s some hope but it lies only within me. My dad loved me, I loved him, my mother loves me, and I love her but it isn’t shown. Actions speak louder than words but what do I have when there are no words and the actions are just as silent? I want to help the next parent or child avoid regretting the same as I do. Even if my situation doesn’t get better, I would feel better knowing I helped someone like me overcome a lifetime of pain and regret with my own personal issues. Don’t let time go by, and don’t let pride stand in the way of a healthy relationship with your family.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Avoiding Regret

  1. I definitely agree with you. I lost my father last year because of heart attack. I was not beside him when that happened. I was working in the city and I only had the chance to go home once or twice a month. That day was the most terrible day of my life. The worst part, I am a nurse. I am working in the Labor and Delivery Unit watching and witnessing new life coming into the world. That day, I was at work in the hospital caring for mothers i hardly know and sharing happiness with the parents of the newborns. I didn’t know that time, I was losing the half of my life. I wish I was able to take care of my father and wish I was beside him when he needed. He was gone when I arrived home from the city. If only I could turn back time… If only… 8 months had passed and still the pain is with me. I still cry at night thinking about the very few days I have spent with my father. I would like to share with your advice to everyone: Let your family FEEL you love them and never be tired to love them. Same raindrop won’t fall on the roof twice so take the chance now.

    1. Sorry for your loss. We have a lot in common with our situations. With your father passing only 8 months ago, you should expect to have these deep regretful feelings. It’d be unusual for you not to have them. The truth is that you may not have been there physically, but you were there in spirit. You seem like a good person, like someone who was by your father’s side whenever he needed you to be. He didn’t need you to be there to see him losing his life. He needed you to be there when you were, living his life, with him. Don’t be so hard on yourself about not being there physically. I was there when my father passed and I honestly wish I wasn’t. There’s this image in my head of him lying there lifeless, me too young to fully understand what damage that very moment would do to my future. I wish that on no person. You are an emotional being, just as I am. 8 months could turn into 8 years… don’t let the pain linger that long. You also can’t let it affect you physically. Mentally it is devastating. I’ve managed to keep a grip on life, I still am a very positive person who works hard and cares about those around me. I don’t know you enough to know exactly what you’re feeling but I do care enough to not want this to change who you are inside. I feel like our words could be very helpful for those in similar situations or heading down that path. Your words touched me and I thank you or being so open and understanding of my situation as well. I wish you and your family the best. I want you to get through this any way you can. As well as the people who share our pain.

Share Your Thoughts !

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s